Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Weekly Weird: Queso Sombreros and McDahmer's

We headed up to Wisconsin this past weekend for Father's Day and to see the California-contingent of my family who was visiting. Right when we pulled out of our parking spot to head out of the city, the torrential downpour began. Rob really didn't feel like going and this didn't persuade him further, but I was adamant that we would make the trip. Our 20mph pace through the city slowed to 15mph as we reached the highway and continued at that pace through Milwaukee.

The southbound lane was completely flooded, so we had no choice but to keep going north. There was no turning back now. After three hours in the car and still being south of Milwaukee, we pulled off to stop at a McDonald's and get an iced coffee. While in the drive-thru, we were stuck behind this maniac that seemed to order everything off the McCafé menu. I was getting angré and impatienté for my coffee, so I started loudly sputtering surliness.

Rob shushed me with a harsh whisper that the guy driving the car ahead of us looked way too much like Jeffrey Dahmer for me to annoy in any way. He was right. He had those eyeglasses reserved exclusively for sexual predators and wispy sand-colored hair with a deep part to the side.


This man likes his McCafé and he can take as long as he likes in the drive-thru

We looked right and another guy similar in appearance walked by our car on the way to his pick-up with his to-go bag -- a to-go bag roomy enough for a severed head. I shut-up and looked forward as Rob rolled up the window. We got our iced coffee and left the McDahmer's behind us.

***

Brenda recently did a list of five things she loves about Texas that are sadly missing in foggy London-town (for the record, I enjoyed the Texas Embassy in all its mediocre glory). I decided to create my own list of weird things I miss about small-town Wisconsin that are missing in Chicago. Note: this is highly romanticized

1. The natives have GI-tracts of steel
There is no amount of dairy or saturated fat that can phase someone from Wisconsin. There's a firm belief that a dish is always improved by adding cheese, cream, and butter. True, true and true.

2. When I recycle something in WI, I'm confident that it will actually make it to the recycling center.
I'm sure this is universal for all larger cities, but I'm quire sure that my recycling just gets combined with the garbage. I've been fairly skeptical of the Great Oz that is the Chicago Blue Bags for some time now, but I'm resistant to pull back that veil. I will continue to stock up on the more expensive blue bags, diligently rinse out my plastic/aluminum/glass containers, flatten boxes, and pat myself on the back after doing so.

3. There are more outdoor activities in winter besides digging your car out of a snow drift.
Snowshoeing, skiing, sledding, ice fishing (so I've heard); these activities are part of the culture and make winter not just tolerable, but enjoyable.

4. Less likely to meet someone who drinks Pabst because it's ironic. More likely to meet someone with genuinely bad taste.
I have a low tolerance for hipster-based irony and an especially low tolerance for someone who chooses to drink a shitty beer because it makes them feel like they're keeping it real. Yes, I enjoy shopping at thrift stores even though I can afford new clothing, laugh at the occasional ironic UO t-shirt, and use 'UO' when referring to Urban Outfitters, but there's something refreshing about going to a place where someone says 'I really love the BoDeans' and they mean it.

5. They have an industry dedicated to stuff like this:


Surprisingly, not the strangest cheesehead product I've seen


When it's all said and done, I'm pretty apathetic when it comes to team sports. Sure, I can muster up some enthusiasm in certain situations, but it usually just bores me. Although, if I had to pick one team that I will never be embarrassed to have some sort of allegiance toward, it's the Packers.


I don't usually care about sports, but when I do, it's the Packers

1 comment:

Brenda - Aesthetic Dalliances said...

ha! love the Wisconsin list. :) Thanks for the shout-out too. After having complained about the pathetic British summer, I was promptly smote by God with a week-long hellacious heat wave. Irony.